A very Varla Valentine's Day

Varla Jean Merman, the fictional creation of actor Jeffrey Roberson and the purported love child of Ernest Borgnine and Ethel Merman, will be descending upon Boston in all her glory for a special Valentine's Day performance at Machine. On the heels of an "Ugly Betty" guest spot, this performance is the next step in Merman's national takeover of all things theatrical -- she's performed at Carnegie Hall, judged a "Project Runway" episode, starred as Mary Sunshine in the Broadway revival of "Chicago," produced and starred in an animated short for LOGO, and is the only drag queen we can think of who doesn't lip-synch. Ever.

"Never," Roberson says, out of character. "I never really lip-synched; I always did sort of a character." From his (and Varla's) New Orleans roots came an appreciation for true vocal talent. "Southern drag is sort of famous for lip-synching and standing in line and getting dollar bills. ...I wanted to talk as a character and then it made sense to start singing as a character. I had a decent voice, so it wasn't too crazy, and I had a falsetto, so I could sound like a woman, so even if it sounded bad, it was funny."

As for his contemporaries who choose the alternative over carrying their own tune? "Now, I don't mind lip-synching if there's something funny about it. But there's nothing worse than somebody sitting there and lip-synching a song. Why don't you go to a Britney Spears concert?"

Drag’s future :: lip-synching or not

The popular advent of the lip-synching drag queen is slowly taking over LGBT pop culture as we know it, as evidenced by LOGO's "RuPaul's Drag Show," a reality show to find the next drag superstar. "It's so funny because on 'RuPaul's Drag Race,' the whole thing is about lip-synching! They're trying to find the new drag superstar, and I don't think the new drag superstar is going to be a lip-syncher," Roberson said. "I don't think that's going to make a big entertainer. I mean, RuPaul doesn't lip-synch, he's a singer! So why are they trying to find a lip-syncher? It's so weird."

Roberson's vocal finesse (and his falsetto) came in handy in 1999, when he joined the cast of famed musical "Chicago." "I went on tour with the show. I went all over the world. I even got to go to Japan with the show -- Tokyo. Then when we got back, I finally got to do it on Broadway for about a month I guess, and that was great," Roberson said. "But you know what? The song is for a male soprano, and it's really high -- you come out and sing this really high B flat, like first thing you sing. So, every night, my palms would be sweating and my heart would be racing at the lines before I came out to sing." Even while watching the 2002 film adaptation of the musical (by the same name), Roberson would get nervous all over again. "Just hearing Richard Gere saying the lines...it was very hard."

Nerves aren't too much of a challenge for Roberson and Varla nowadays, however. "I don't get that nervous now. I'm usually pretty prepared. Not like I used to be," Roberson said, laughing.

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Watch this hilarious Varla video:

Who’s Ethel Merman?

The character of Varla Jean Merman was born in front of a video camera in the Deep South. A friend of Roberson's at Louisiana State University in Baton Rouge had a hobby of making films. The two teamed up to create short films -- some of which featured Roberson in drag -- and distributed them to the local gay and drag bars, which, according to Roberson, were all video bars. "Then we did some kind of talent show in New Orleans, and at that time there were a lot of talk shows on -- I remember they had Dolly Parton's sister and Barbra Streisand's sister and Frank Sinatra's son, all these people who sort of looked like their parents and their sisters, were famous but they were never going to make it -- and I just sort of liked that underdog quality when somebody else in your family has really made it," Roberson said. "It's often, I think, pretty hard for you to make it, too. Like Beyonc�'s sister."

Roberson gave his underdog character a little bit of family history with a pair of famous parents: "I used to do a lot of shows about the illegitimate daughter of Ethel Merman and Ernest Borgnine. That was sort of how the whole character developed, but I don't do that one so much anymore, because nobody knows who they are!"

Roberson and Varla happen to share more than just a dress size. "[Merman and Borgnine] were married for thirty-eight days, and [Varla] thought, well, if they had a child, they would've gotten rid of it. So she just felt like she was from a show biz family, that she couldn't possibly be from the family that she grew up with, which is sort of my situation, because my family is...well, none of them are in the performing arts. ...They're Southern Baptists too, so singing and dancing is just not even allowed."

Roberson's love of singing and dancing (and performing, of course) landed him a very recent guest spot on ABC's "Ugly Betty." "I just have a brief cameo, but it's a very funny episode where Vanessa Williams finds out that somebody's doing her in drag, and then she basically hires a drag queen to do all the promotional events that she doesn't want to do," Roberson said. "They actually use Vanessa Williams' real brother!" Roberson's episode debuted Wednesday, Feb. 3, and while the show faces imminent cancellation, Varla's creator won't shed too many a tear. "A show that appeals to gay guys, you can't put on Friday night! There's just no way. I think that probably helped kill it," he said.

Roberson's Feb. 14 appearance at Machine (1254 Boylston St.) promises lots of laughs...and lots of love. "I'm going to do all love songs that night. I'm going to do all of my classic hits and I'm going to try out a bunch of new songs, and one new video. It's going to be a mixture of material. I'm actually right now writing a song about Ambien, because that's probably been my longest relationship now," Roberson said. He guaranteed that the songs would be performed, "all with love...or lack of love. Songs about love aren't necessarily funny; songs about lack of love are funny."

Jeff Roberson, a.k.a. Varla Jean Merman, will appear in character at Machine (1254 Boylston St., Boston) on Sunday, Feb. 14 at 7 p.m. All seats are $30. For tickets, please visit http://www.machine-boston.com/, www.brownpapertickets.com, or call (617) 536-1950.

Watch Varla's instructions for hooking up: