That's Entertainment :: Do the Kardashians rule the world?

There is one show this summer that asks its viewers to have the stamina and the fortitude to be able to keep pace with its onscreen shenanigans. You may be saying to yourself, "It's too early for 'Survivor!'" Wrong. No, I am pointing out that the whole kit and caboodle of Kardashians are amongst us again. Sunday nights on E!, and it is our mission to keep up with them... got it?

But how does one do that, when they have been spun off, merchandised and had every minute detail of their private lives splashed across such illustrious publications as "Life & Style"? Or like Kim, have her private parts on semi-on display for the "W" set? Yeah, good way to make us forget all about Ray J and that certain Blockbuster night the two of you shared there, Kimmy. Still, it was light years away from that hideous leopard pantsuit that she was seen sporting in New York City, with Vera Wang in tow. (Shame on you, Vera! Now go stand in the shame circle!)

But, I digress.

With the sixth season currently under way, I have immersed myself into the thought process of how can I ever keep up? I got to thinking (it really does occur from time to time for a small, nominal fee) about what we as viewers have to do to keep abreast (or rather abutt) of this real-life TV family. We have to etch out time in our busy schedules, coupled with programming our various recording devices to juggle the numerous shows that the klan (it's o.k. to spell it this way, those gals add a "k" to everything!) populates.

Visiting D-A-S-H

Then, my mind turned to what it must be like to be in the eye of the proverbial storm for Kim, Khlo�, Kourtney, Kris, Kendall, Kylie, Bruce and Rob. Rob? (There was a missed opportunity to name someone Karl. There Kris -- we get it, you are klever.)
So, I tried hatching a present-day failed plot to infiltrate the always-on-in-reruns E! family; if only in my mind.

I appeared at their Calabasas-based D-A-S-H store as third-cousin-three-times-removed Cousin KTim (I couldn't very well be Kim, there's only room for one of her in this world, and most of that space is taken up by her, uh, talents), and said, "Hey, are any of my cousins here?" I opted to use "hey," as it starts most of the family's greetings, so I thought I would be immediately accepted.

I may as well have said I was Cousin Oliver, since I was unceremoniously kicked out on my "Unbuttlievable" padded underpants (a real product, seriously) that I had purchased for my failed attempt to become a Kardashian.

Yes, I was wearing pants at the time... I think, but Khlo� was having none of my shenanigans. She literally strong-armed me out of the store, with a stern warning of "You'd be better not be steppin' foot in this store again!"

Ever notice that Khlo� likes to cut the g's off the end of words ending in said letter, almost as much as she likes dropping F-bombs!

At least I didn't have someone release a sex tape to try and find an in. I kid because I love.

Giving Miami back

So, what's a guy to do when he's imaginarily "rejected" by his new favorite TV family? I would simply have to do what millions of viewers are doing; I'd have to live vicariously through their small screen exploits.

As previously mentioned, their family is always on the air in various incarnations, just in the span of a year, we have been asked to monitor the Sisters K with a second season of "Kourtney and Khlo� Take Miami," (If they had given it back after season one, then there wouldn't have been a season two -- they are so krafty.)

As if prime real estate weren't hard enough to come by, Kourtney and Kim also took New York, just like Jason or The Muppets. Oh wait, that was Manhattan, my bad.

Anyhoo, when the eldest sister (Kourtney for those not in the know and shame on you -- now go join Vera Wang in the shame circle.) yelled from the top of their posh penthouse, "The Kardashians are here," I'm surprised that their neighbors, still blinded by the paparazzi's flashbulbs that greeted the siblings arrival, didn't respond with a resounding, "Duh!"

Khlo�'s wedded bliss to Shrek, err... Lamar Odom, was on a full court TV press (yes, a sporting term... gotta problem with that?) with the aptly named spin-off "c," which didn't smell as bad as their unisex fragrance, "Unbreakable."

The new ’Brady Bunch’

Which brings us to the most recent bit of televised upkeep, the current season of "Keeping Up With The Kardashians." And trust me, there's plenty to do with the family that is often chastised for doing nothing to earn that level of fame. They're pretty, isn't that enough? Well, it should be.

So this year, we have an interesting dichotomy of seeing the results of that super stardom and how it plays into the family dynamic. In the very first episode, Kourtney organized a family game night -- who wouldn't want to play a rousing round of Chutes and Ladders with them? Well, it seemed that everyone thought it was swell idea and confirmed they were coming; then most of them - except Bruce Jenner - went off and did their own thing. Kim was off with her fianc� Kris Humphries (spoiler alert: they will be engaged during this season, like you didn't know that!) However, they came together at the end for a nice nosh. Aww, the gang's all together again, just like at the end of "Grease!"

In the following weeks, Kris toyed with the idea of changing her name from Jenner back to Kardashian. You mean it isn't, who knew? Kim also squired Kylie off to NYC to book her some runway modeling gigs, oh, and to return the city to its rightful owner. And her poor little sister Kylie was left at home to listen to Bruce talk about his glory days on Wheaties boxes or how he got his hair to stop resembling a scarecrow's (it was so thirsty). Looks like somebody is going to be the new Jan Brady.

Which is apropos in a way, as they are the modern equivalent of "The Brady Bunch," minus the potato sack races in the backyard or the embarrassing "Brady Bunch Hour" variety show spin-off. Then again, step-dad Bruce did star with The Village People in the equally cringe-worthy movie "Can't Stop the Music." Yes, you can! Just switch off the TV, and you save two hours of your life that you'd never get back.

It’s a Kardashian world

Anyhoo, what I am trying to say is that they are the new faces of the blended TV family, ala the "Bunch," and much like their fictional '70s counterparts have seen their family explode into a worldwide sensation.

So, it's no surprise that mom-manager Kris and the gals have lent their famous surname to a wide variety of product endorsements. They really should hook it up with the aforementioned "Unbuttlievable." (You're welcome and my finder's fee is 10%.)

Alas, there have been some hits and misses in marketing.

Let's just say that you can't buy their best-selling book "Kardashian Konfidential," or the infomercial beauty line "PerfectSkin," with their now-defunct Kardashian Kredit Kard with its high fees. Perhaps, you're a gal who's watching her figure (Who isn't? Try being a gay man, honey!), you are in luck, there's the Kim tested, Kris approved diet supplement "Quick Trim" that has a version called "Extreme Burn" and that sounds downright painful!

And on the subject of endorsements, I am surprised that Kourtney's baby daddy, Scott Disick, hasn't thought of launching a clothing line called TH3, since he dresses like Thurston Howell III from "Gilligan's Island," or he could start a line of douche products.

But, I'm sure that the Kardashians will learn from their mistakes, and use discretion in putting their stamp on more products, and continue to grace the cover of every magazine known to man.

So, it looks like it's a Kardashian world, and we just live in it.

The recent People's Choice "Favorite TV Guilty Pleasure" winners do provide entertainment by bickering and constantly crossing boundaries (Hello, never let your sister wax your nether regions or straddle her!). But at the end of the day, they are just a family, albeit more famous than most. And that's entertainment!