Hedda Dishes Drag Race :: Cover Girls

Hello gentle Americans. Who thought it would be a good idea to have Pam Tillis, supposed country star, and Regina King, television star, as judges on this week's episode of "RuPaul's Drag Race?"

That is what episode 7, of Season 4 of "RuPaul's Drag Race" threw at us. For drag sakes, could they not dredge up Barbara Mandrell? One of Barbara's less memorable sisters would have made more sense than Pam Tillis. Who the hell is Pam Tillis anyhow? Or take a chance and reach out to transgender country superstar, Dolly Parton. It was all downhill from there.

Battling the bulge

The main competition was that each queen was given a title to a magazine and had to create the concept from the ground up; from taking the photo for the cover page, to coming up with some clever headlines to whet the readers' appetites. Magazine titles ranged from: "Sugar Walls" to "Battle Of The Bulge." Unfortunately Jiggly Caliente did not win the battle. Instead of going for the comedy, she decided that "Battle Of The Bulge" should have a serious edge; even revealing to Ru that at one point in her life she was bulimic. I have this sinking feeling she thinks that bulimia means chewing her food instead of swallowing it whole like boa constrictor.

The winner of the competition was Phi Phi O'Hara, with a travel magazine concept. I forget the title, but this episode was very forgettable, so cut me some slack. It was her first win of the season and I suspect her last.

Chickin’-lickin’

The real star of this week's episode was the exceptionally ignorant Dita Ritz. When Dita discovered what the main challenge was she said, "This will separate the intellectuals from the non-intellectuals." Supposedly she was referring to Jiggly as the non-intellectual. But need I flash back to "Snatch Game," where Dita spelled the word surgeon as 'surgin'. Girl, you better get Hooked on Phonics as soon as you can.

Dita's magazine was titled, "Tastes Like Chicken"; her revolutionary concept had her eating fried chicken on the cover. "How many drag queens do you know have had a glamorous photo shoot eating chicken?" She beamed with pride. There is a good reason why drag queens never pose with fried chicken, babies or puppies: They are greasy and can get all over your fine washables. She also tried to make a political statement by saying she is constantly fighting black stereotypes by not eating watermelon or fried chicken in public, though Dita has no problem at all showing off her ashy knees any chance she can get; which, in my opinion, is the worst black stereotype out there. But there she is posing on the cover of her magazine eating what? Fried chicken. Obviously Dita is a complex woman.

Home wrecker?

In the end Jiggly found herself in the bottom two along with Wilam, of the five o'clock shadow. Wilam's magazine, an interior design concept, was titled "Sugar Walls" and had her on the cover, naked, with a throw pillow hiding her candy. It looked more like home wrecker, than home decorating to me. The girls did not have an easy task lip-synching for their lives to a horrible Pam Tillis number. I would rather be fed to a pit of alligators than try to feign any interest to this country dud. Sharon Kneedles open your mouth! Jiggly expressed she would have preferred a song from Lil Kim, as would the rest of us; she did her best to point and pose, but it was of no use. Wilam did what she did best: not wearing panties and spinning around in circles, exposing her butt hole to the judges. According to my sources Pam Tillis still has not fully recovered her sight.

In the end Wilam was victorious and Jiggly was sent home. The show won't be the same without you Jiggly and all your burping, silly commentary and big girl fashions. Next week I predict Wilam and Phi Phi will be in the bottom two, which will make for legendary television. As for Dita, for some strange reason I feel she might take home to title of America's Top Drag Queen.

Stay fresh,
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Hedda Lettuce