'Mirror, Mirror on the Wall' - Gay Men and Body Image

Having just spent a wonderful day at the beach and seeing a good deal of sexy men, one cannot help but take one hard long look at oneself for flaws, as well as attributes that confirm that you still "got it going on!"

As reported in previous articles, gay men can often be the hardest on themselves, since we take so much time in the gyms and watching our diets to keep up that body or face to still attract desired attention from others. Not unlike our female counterparts and Metrosexual males, we as a social group still view beauty and sexiness to have a higher commodity than even money and fame. Of course, no one would ever diss money and fame well earned.

In response to the title with the infamous quote from Snow White in the words of the evil queen, how many of you boys can pass a mirror without checking yourself out? I, for one, still find myself posing in the mirror and either feel satisfied or disgruntled depending on the day.

Statistics are still very high within the gay male community of men who either work out, diet, or get beauty treatments or plastic surgery in order to keep that more youthful and desirable presentation. Even during the last recession, the number of gay men receiving beauty treatments or plastic surgery were still high, despite one's financial situation.

For myself, I am compelled to "hit the gym" no less than three times a week despite my hectic work schedule (working two jobs and publishing a book). I love to eat, but am very aware to proceed with caution whenever I feel the desire to overindulge with my favorite treats.

My intuitive nutritionist is the "voice in my head" whenever I tend to overdo the treats and, as a result, I will set up another appointment to meet with her to get back on the correct nutritional plan and to meet with my doctor at least once a year for my annual physical.

But let's get down to the "heart of the matter" and question just why so many of us in the gay community feel this compulsion to obsessively fret about our physiques or any signs of aging that may take us down the path of invisibility. What exactly are we so fearful of that prompts us to be so hard on ourselves? I am not just talking about the pursuit of hard muscles or tight skin.

Although many of us in our community have felt freer and more able to be ourselves in public, there is still that sense of critical judgment from both our society and the religious communities to change or keep our lifestyles quiet. And with that judgment, there is this desire to be perfect or, the old adage, "be the best little boy in the world!"

Hence, there is this need to become perfect in physical form to compensate for feelings of shame with regards to our given sexual orientation. As a result, according to recent statistics cited in the Huffington Post article written by Eliel Cruz, "Mean Gays and Beauty Culture" (June 2014), gay men show high numbers of eating disorders than their straight counterparts; "gay men are thought to only represent 5 percent of the total male population, but among men who have eating disorders, 42 percent identify as gay."

In a recent YouTube video released by psychotherapist, Matthew J. Dempsey on the subject of gay men and body image, the handsome and well-built Dempsey admitted to his own personal pain with regards to body image and self-esteem from an early age. In this video, Dempsey shared a painful comment by his own brother, which created a second form of shame to that of his feelings of being gay but, to his then more rotund physique being shameful in comparison to his brother's. An experience very similar to my own brother's hurtful comments to me as a child.

Both Cruz and Dempsey went further to state the rationale for having that perfect physique is not only precipitated by feelings of personal shame, but also shame created within only our own culture. A culture which promotes a specific desired physique of washboard abs and sculpted muscles as demonstrated in our gay media and the infamous circuit party venues. Venues which create for many the pressure to look sexy and desired by all in attendance; looking similarly.

With all this pressure to look perfect and stay the advances of aging, it is no wonder why we as group can easily "crash and burn" if we are not careful.

Dempsey's advice to our community is to follow a three step approach toward sanity, by first "Taking Stock" of ourselves and our true worth. Second, to "Open Up" and talk about feelings of shame with a supportive other, and third, to take "Conscious Trade" of our abilities and take on projects that we feel passionate about that will help us feel more positive and worthwhile. That our body and looks are not the only attributes that truly matter in this world, it's inner peace as well.

In the words of Drew Barrymore, as concluded in Dempsey's video on the subject of beauty, "My main beauty tip is don't say that negative thing when you look in the mirror. It really isn't healthy."

So, in the words of Dr. Vince, "Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?' It's you; both inside and out."