Clementi Foundation Seeks 'Upstanders' to Combat Bullying

In a small room that looked onto the serene courtyard of Grace Cathedral as the rain fell last Saturday night, a group of men and women gathered to celebrate a life lost too soon. Tyler Clementi was just 18 years old when he took his own life in 2010 after a tragic incident of cyber harassment and humiliation during the first two weeks of his new college life in New Jersey.

The night's purpose was to continue the mission of the Tyler Clementi Foundation - to end all offline and online bullying. The boisterous crowd of about 40 people was filled with board members from across the country from New York to San Francisco, San Francisco Gay Men's Chorus members, and some new faces.

Now in its sixth year, the foundation has made significant strides to create programs that take a proactive approach in ending bullying by reaching schools, workplaces, and individuals. The Day 1 campaign is one of those programs and something Sean Kosofsky, executive director of the foundation who flew in from New York for the event, was eager to talk about.

"There are simple, free, effective things people can do," Kosofsky said at the March 4 reception. "We want others, coaches and managers, to set the tone that bullying is not allowed."

The Day 1 campaign encourages teachers, directors, and other leaders in various environments to read from and pass out a printout from the Tyler Clementi Foundation website that emphasizes an inclusive and safe environment that will not tolerate bullying of any form. The program is already seeing success across the nation in schools and workplaces, officials noted.

Another program targets those who witness bullying. There are typically three parties involved in bullying - a perpetrator, a victim, and a bystander. The foundation is asking anyone who witnesses bullying to be an "upstander," not a bystander - something that could have saved Clementi's life.

"We behave on a keyboard in ways we would never face-to-face, and everyone thinks someone else will do something about it," Kosofsky said.

This is the case in many situations, including Clementi's. Not one person stood up to the malicious bullying he experienced.

Clementi, who had started to come out to family and friends, began attending Rutgers University in 2010.

One night, he asked his dorm mate, Dharun Ravi, for some privacy because he had a date. Ravi agreed but what Clementi didn't know was that Ravi had secretly pointed his computer's webcam at Clementi's bed, and then left.

The camera captured Clementi in an intimate act as Ravi invited other students to view it online. Many students at the university contributed to this invasion of privacy by not reporting or stopping what was happening to Clementi, according to the foundation's website.

Clementi discovered what his abuser had done when he viewed his roommate's Twitter feed. He learned he had widely become a topic of ridicule in his new social environment. He also found out that his roommate was planning a second attempt to broadcast from the webcam.

Several days later, Clementi ended his life by jumping off the George Washington Bridge.

Ravi was originally convicted on a bias intimidation charge, but that was later overturned. Last fall he pleaded guilty to attempted invasion of privacy and was sentenced to time he had previously served.

"Reporting it is easy," Kosofsky said at the San Francisco reception. "We need upstanders in the face of violence and humiliation to give perspective to the victim."

The perspective is that people love and respect those victims for who they are and that this time shall pass.

Peter Drake, a foundation board member in San Francisco, introduced John Kelly, who performed two songs from the nationally renowned "Tyler's Suite," a nine-piece choral movement composed by Stephen Schwartz, dedicated to the memory of Clementi, who was a talented violinist.

The first song, "Unicycle" had audience members bobbing heads to the light and upbeat lyrics by Pam Stewart about Clementi's ability to ride a unicycle and play the violin simultaneously. Next, a deeper song, "I Love You More," about a parent's love for a child.

Jane Clementi, Tyler's mom, teared up as the song concluded, just before she spoke to the audience.

"We want to change the hearts and minds of people," she said. "It's so important to be inclusive to all people. We are here to give a voice to continue the conversation forward so no one else suffers Tyler's fate."

For Jane Clementi the foundation is about giving, just like her son gave to others.

"He had a great smile. He was creative, kind gentle and caring and generous, he had a great spirit of generosity," she said.

For more information on the Tyler Clementi Foundation and its programs, visit http://www.tylerclementi.org