'Gays With Kids' Co-founder Brian Rosenberg: Creating LGBTQ+ Families Through Its App

We're slightly late starting our interview, but Gays With Kids founder Brian Rosenberg – also the man behind the new GWK Academy app – is upbeat and happy. "My kids are home for spring break," he explains with an effervescent grin. In addition to his parenting duties, the entrepreneur notes that he has "like, five calls today, and I'm hosting the webinar..."

In other words, it's a day in the life of an entrepreneur who's also a parent. In Rosenberg's case, he also happens to be gay – and that's the point. The webinar, he explains, is part of what he offers through the GWK Academy app, which connects prospective gay dads with the information and support they need to navigate their family-building journeys.

Rosenberg took a few minutes out of his day to chat with EDGE about how he's providing gay men with the tools and know-how they need to realize their dreams of parenthood.

EDGE: Was GWK Academy a passion project that came from your own experience navigating the process of building your family?

Brian Rosenberg: Yeah, basically. My husband (Ferd van Gameren) and I created our family through a combination of adoption and surrogacy. We found out about Levi when he was three days old. We took him home from the hospital two days later, and today he is 13, and as big as me. He has twin sisters, born through surrogacy, who are 17 months younger than him. I'd like to share that I'm the bio dad [for our twins], and the reason I share that is because I'm also HIV-positive. I have been for over 30 years. I like HIV-positive men to know that if they want to become a biological parent, they can.

[When we started building our family] there were really no resources available. Whether it was our adoption journey, or our surrogacy and IVF journey, neither of us really felt like we truly understood the big picture, how everything works, the major milestones we'd have to achieve, and how to overcome certain hurdles. And certainly, I could say that we didn't feel truly confident about the decisions we were making. I remember thinking back then, "If only we were educated," and, "I should be taking notes, so I can help others in the future."

We launched Gays With Kids nine years ago. I said, "Okay, let's share accurate portrayals of what it's like, first, to create our families, and then what life is like for us as we're raising them." Most of our stories were told from the vantage point of the dads, who would typically share high-level overviews of their stories.
Over the years, we received lots of responses to our posts on social media and via email. Folks thanked us for inspiring them. We even heard from a few moms whose teenaged sons had recently come out to thank us for showing them and their husbands what their kids' lives could look like. We always thanked folks for taking the time to let us know that we inspired them.

But of the hundreds and hundreds (and, really, thousands) of stories we shared, nothing actually helped folks become fathers. Then, about two and a half years ago, someone reached out to me on Facebook and asked if we could do a video call. He said, "I just want to tell you to your face, thank you; you've really inspired me." I got a little verklemmt. I said, "Thank you so much." And then I said, "So tell me, what are you going to do now?" He literally scratched his head. He was, like, "I guess I'll have to wing it." I had an epiphany: "Oh my God. I haven't helped anyone become a dad."

That conversation led me to [create] GWK Academy, which I hope becomes known as the very first stop on any gay man's path to fatherhood. The first thing we do is make sure you know all your options to becoming a dad: Surrogacy and IVF, adopting a newborn, adopting from the foster-care system, and even adopting in the two countries that currently allow openly gay men to adopt, Columbia and South Africa. Once you determine which path to fatherhood is best for you, we have a course about adoption and foster-adopt, and then we have another one on surrogacy and IVF. Each course has a dozen or so lessons that take you through everything you need to know about becoming a dad through that path, plus you also get coaching calls with me, plus introductions to mentors (dads who've recently and successfully traveled your same path to fatherhood), and even introductions to GWK-vetted and approved family-building partners.

EDGE: What if an adoption falls through or a surrogate decides she wants to keep the baby? Do you offer tips and pointers for what to do in such cases?

Brian Rosenberg: I'll address the adoption [scenario] first. Different states have different laws about how long the birth family has to change their mind. In state of New York, where we adopted our son, they have 30 days – so, you could take home a baby and then the birth mom could change her mind.

As far as [the scenario with] the surrogate, the only country you want to do a surrogacy journey in is here in the States, where the surrogacy journey is very transparent. You're in conversation with the surrogate the entire time; the surrogate has to undergo psychological screening in addition to the medical screening; she has to have children of her own, and she and her partner have to agree that they don't want to have more kids [of their own]. The other thing is, the surrogate is not biologically connected to the baby that she's carrying – we use a third party as an egg donor, and the embryo is created with that other woman. When it's all done as it should be, you never hear those kinds of stories here in the US.

EDGE: Another possibility is that gay parents will encounter prejudice.

Brian Rosenberg: There's two parts to that. The first part is: What happens if you're working with family-building partners and you hear something [biased]? This is where we really help out. We have a small group of vetted family-building partners that we strongly encourage people to use. These are all people who are experts in their fields, and, quite frankly, they share my passion for helping gay men become dads. And that's critically important; we cannot work with organizations that either see us as dollar signs or with public adoption agencies that have to work with us [under the law] but have no interest in helping us create families.

In terms of the second part: We have shared the stories of thousands of people, and every time I hear a story about someone who lives in a so-called red state, or in rural areas, they say they've never once experienced any form of homophobia. It's amazing.

Now, I live in a very, very progressive community. I remember dropping off the girls on their first day of school, and this woman – I'm sure she was well meaning, but she came up to me to introduce herself, and the first thing out of her mouth was, "So who plays the mommy role?" [Laughter] You have to think in advance about how you're going to react to someone who asks, "Who's the real father?" Or, "How much did your family cost?"

EDGE: That said, I'm sure people will wonder about the money involved, including how much GWK Academy costs.

Brian Rosenberg: We charge a whopping $99. [Laughter] I'm not in this to make money; I'm in this because it's my passion.

I can tell you this: A surrogacy and IVF journey done here in the United States today is going to cost somewhere between $140,000 - $220,000. That's a big gap, but there are a bunch of variables, some of which the intended dad(s) will control, and some of which they won't. A private infant adoption today in the U.S. is going to cost somewhere between $35,000 and $60,000. Adoption through foster care doesn't cost any money. You might have to upfront some legal fees, like $1,500, but even that typically will get reimbursed.

EDGE: Money aside, what are the major roadblocks for prospective parents?

Brian Rosenberg: Money is the number one for sure. Other roadblocks involve the length of time it takes for gay men to create their families. Whether you're starting an adoption or surrogacy journey, it'll take about two years until you're a dad.

Of course, before folks even know how much it'll cost or how long it'll take, most want to know "How or where do I even begin? What are my options?" My answer to those questions is simple: download the GWK Academy app!

Want to talk about a collaboration or learn about GWK Academy? Schedule a video call with Brian: https://calendly.com/briangwk