Here's How to Beat the Hype and Overcome Loneliness on Valentine's Day

Seek Real-Life Connection

Mattei doesn't consider herself a Valentine's Day hater.

"I just dislike the pressure of making it romantic when really, if somebody handed me a rose on the street, that would make my day. Like, that's all it takes," she said.

Her best advice for making it through Valentine's Day is as sweet as those candy conversation hearts that circulate this time of year.

"Show love to somebody. I love giving other people a gift, putting a smile on their face. And if you can't think of someone that you want to show love to, then show love to yourself. Buy yourself candy. I buy myself flowers very frequently. I love the way they look. I don't care that I bought them for myself," Mattei said.

Dr. Jeremy Nobel, who wrote "Project UnLonely: Healing Our Crisis of Disconnection," agrees with all of the above. Loneliness, he said, comes in many forms, from physical isolation to rejection based on difference.

"I think the science is quite clear that loneliness does increase risk of early mortality," said Nobel, who teaches a course for medical students at the Harvard Chan School of Public Health to help them better recognize loneliness in patients.

Let Your Creative Juices Flow

Through his Project UnLonely and Foundation for Art & Healing, Nobel has come up with programs that use the creative arts to raise awareness of the health challenges caused by loneliness and social isolation, including among young people.

On Valentine's Day, the project is offering a free Zoom coloring session for anyone who cares to sign up. Crayons, markers, colored pencils, oil pastels. The choice is yours.

"Loneliness is subjective," Nobel said – it's the gap between the social connections you want to have and the ones you do have. "Valentine's Day, it's the time to celebrate love and connection, which is fantastic unless you don't have that connection."

Psychotherapist Kelli Miller in Los Angeles works with couples and individuals and wrote "Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to the Most Common Relationship Issues." Valentine's Day is a common trigger among her clients. If you don't have the love you want, turn inward in search of joy, she urges.

"Take yourself to the theater. Take yourself to dinner. I know a lot of people don't want to dine alone but sometimes just being around other human beings can help."