T-Dance

Bill Friar Entertainment Volume 1: Julian Marsh
Red Wallet Records

T-Dance is the musical equivalent of a B-movie: you have no idea how you ended up on this channel, you're not entirely sure who the came up with this crap, but you kind of dig it. Y'know, against your better judgment... and it doesn't hurt to be stoned out of your freaking mind. Seemingly concocted as a soundtrack for gay bars that serve drinks in plastic cups, T-Dance seems saddled with straight-to-video production values on a reliance on clich? circuit beats. Even "Activate My Body" (The Perry Twins ft. Jania) and "So Alive" (Avalon Superstar ft. Rita Campbell), both of which are stellar dance-pop singles on their own, have been dipped in a thick layer of Velveeta cheese that robs their fun and replaces it with a shirtless, 45 year old bartender with a goatee; he runs an adorable bed & breakfast on the weekends, you know. There's definitely an audience for this paint-by-numbers stuff, and you can't begrudge anyone's right to party like it's 1995. But listeners will be disappointed if they're looking for cutting edge mixes or, the two aforementioned gems aside, music that is memorable beyond your hangover. That's pretty unfortunate for an album that looks like it should be sold with an accompanying drink ticket. The tracks are mixed with the subtlety of my iTunes' "Party Shuffle" option, and by the time we arrive at a dance remake of Air Supply's "Even the Nights are Better." I don't know whether to laugh, cry, or rip off my own shirt and jump on the go-go box. Sigh. I'd go for the last option, but it's so cheaply made I'm afraid it will cave in.