Adoption makes a family

LGBT people thinking about starting or growing their family will have the chance to learn about adoption through the state foster care system during a pair of information sessions at the Blue Hills Boys and Girls Club in Dorchester, sponsored by the Massachusetts Adoption Resource Exchange (MARE).

On Jan. 28 prospective parents will learn about the process from social workers and experienced adoptive parents, and on Feb. 8 they will get a chance to hear from children and teens hoping to be adopted. The sessions are open to prospective parents of all backgrounds, and MARE is encouraging LGBT couples and singles interested in adoption to attend.

Lisa Funaro, executive director of MARE, said a broad cross-section of families choose to adopt through the foster care system, including LGBT parents. She said there are currently about 600 children in the foster care system in Massachusetts awaiting adoption. Most of them are of school age, between six and 16 years old. Many are children of color, and there are many sibling groups looking to be adopted together. Most of the children have suffered from neglect, and some have been abused.

"It really is a broad group of families who come forward for these children," said Funaro. "And unlike other kinds of adoptions I think there is a tendency for parents to approach these adoptions who are a little more altruistic. ... The gay couples that I have worked with have been incredibly strong in identifying that these kids need to belong somewhere, and this is an opportunity for folks to step forward and say, 'I can take care of one of these kids. I can love one of these kids.'"

Michael and Edward Baldwin Von Brunow love four of them. About five years ago, the couple, who live in Dorchester, welcomed four siblings into their home: Samuel, 8; James, 10; Robert, 11; and Janessa, 12. Michael Baldwin Von Brunow said he and his partner knew they wanted to adopt through the foster care system; they had spent about six years serving as foster parents and had grown attached to several of the children for whom they had cared. They also knew that the Massachusetts foster system was friendly to gay couples, and it seemed like a better fit for their family than adopting internationally.

"There was such a need in the states for kids that are here, and we felt like going out of the country and going through those extra processes, dealing with a government that might not be friendly to a gay couple, we didn't want to go through these extra hoops," said Baldwin Von Brunow.

Funaro said there are advantages to adopting through the state foster care system. The children in foster care are available for adoption immediately, and there are no fees. Prospective parents take a 24-hour Massachusetts Approach to Partnerships in Parenting (MAPP) training course, followed by a home study. After that process they work with social workers to find a child or children who could be a good match for their family.

Some of the children in the foster care system face significant challenges, and Funaro said the MAPP training helps prospective parents understand those challenges and learn how to overcome them and find sources of support.

"They've got some emotional problems or behavior problems. Some of them have learning issues. You can imagine if you've been bumped around to three schools in a year, keeping up with your math homework may not have been their first priority. ... These kids just need a home. A lot of them are like your neighbor's kids," said Funaro.

He said that while some prospective parents worry about adopting children who might have difficulties related to past neglect or abuse, there is also a wide range of free or low-cost support services offered to parents who adopt through the foster care system, including MassHealth coverage for therapy and mental health services and access to support groups for both adopted children and adoptive parents through agencies like Home for Little Wanderers.

"Our kids had issues, but I'm not sure they're any worse than a child being brought up in a birth family. We have educational deficits, we have emotional issues ... but because we came through the system we have more support than a birth family would have," said Baldwin Von Brunow.

He said for couples evaluating whether they would be able to be good parents to children who may have special difficulties, the most important thing to do is to evaluate the strength of their own relationship.

"When I talk to people who are thinking about adopting, my advice is not usually about if they think they can do it with the kids. My advice is look to your own relationship with your partner first, because that has to be solid. You have to be able to communicate with your partner in a way that you're on the same page, that you present a united front, that your own relationship is strong enough to handle the stresses," said Baldwin Von Brunow. "There's so much gratification and fulfillment that offsets the bad patches. But unless your relationship with your partner is stable and strong and healthy, that's where folk are going to have problems."

Both information sessions take place at the Dorchester Boys and Girls Club, 15 Talbot Ave. The Jan. 28 session runs from 6:30-8:30 p.m., and the Feb. 8 session runs from 3-5:30 p.m. To RSVP or for more information call 617.542.3678 or visit www.mareinc.org.