Judge Judy: Yes on Gay Marriage

Judy Sheindlin is the second-highest paid woman in television, right behind Oprah. Judge Judy is now in its 13th season, and according to Variety , the extension of the show through the 2011-12 season guaranteed the judge an annual salary of $38 million. Since Sheindlin works only 50 days each year, this breaks down to a gross income of $760,000 for each day she spends in the studio. Not bad for a woman who labored over 25 years as a judge in the family courts of Manhattan.

Understandably, Sheindlin is a happy woman, and it shows in her voice. Speaking from her winter home in Naples, Florida, she exudes a genial confidence, intelligence, and maturity. There are no audible traces of the hostile aggression she frequently directs toward litigants who appear before her on Judge Judy. Of all the questions I would like to ask Sheindlin, I find myself strangely obsessed with a bit of fashion trivia. With advance apologies, I begin.

"I have to know: what's the story behind that little lace collar attached to your judicial robes?"

Sheindlin laughs. "When I was first appointed to the bench by Ed Koch in 1982, my husband and I took a vacation to Greece. At that time, we were both civil servants, and we went on one of those $399 for two weeks, airfare-and-breakfast ABC Tours. We found ourselves in a small restaurant at the foot of the Acropolis, and walking around the streets was a lady who was making lace collars. I hadn't taken the bench yet, but I practiced in the family court for a long time, and it always irritated me that male judges could wear these bright-colored ties that stuck out of their robes - you know, blue shirts, white shirts, with red or yellow ties - and the women had nothing but black against their faces. So I said, 'You know what, I'm going to buy one of these lace collars and see if I can get away with tacking it onto my robe to give it a bit of a look.' That's how it started, and it's been with me for 27 years."

Sheindlin and her husband, retired New York judge Jerry Sheindlin, have been married for 31 years, and have five children and 11 grandchildren between them. They divide their time between homes in Naples, Florida and Greenwich, Connecticut. Their marriage was interrupted by divorce when Judy Sheindlin's father died and she found herself unable to cope with the loss. But within a year, the couple remarried. But the second time around, Judge Judy insisted on changing the marriage vows. Instead of promising to marry "for better or worse," she insisted they re-marry "for better or forget it."

With many years spent handling family squabbles, child custody, and divorce issues, Sheindlin is something of an expert on the subject of marriage. She is quite clear in her stance on gay marriage and California's infamous Proposition 8. Last October, Sheindlin officiated at the Los Angeles wedding of vocalist Michael Feinstein and his partner of 11 years, Terrence Flannery.

"For me, it's not only a legal issue, but an emotional issue. Two people work, pay taxes, act responsibly - as far as I'm concerned, the State should have no issue if they want to be married and have a union that allows them to inherit and take advantage of the tax benefits of marriage. I have no problem with that.

"I would have liked Proposition 8 to have been presented differently. I have a feeling if it had been presented in a reverse method where voting 'Yes' affirmed the right of same-sex couples to marry, and voting 'No' denied it, there might have been a different outcome. I think there may have been some confusion on the part of the voters."

Sheindlin's progressive stance toward marriage is tempered by a lifetime spent as one of the few women judges seated on the bench in Manhattan. She understands the difficulty of being a minority, as well as the difficulty of gay or questioning youth who find themselves in households that do not understand or accept them.

"I think more and more parents are becoming socially sophisticated and realize their responsibility is to love their children regardless of their sexual predisposition, of who they choose as a mate. I think people are becoming more open to the differences in humanity.

"I remember years ago attending a lecture where they were talking about gender bias in the courts. They were trying to do sensitivity training for some of these old geezers who had been on the bench for 30 years who would say to a female lawyer, 'Hey, honey, that's a great-looking skirt. You've got a great pair of legs there.' They were trying to teach these guys how to comport themselves.

"There was a woman delivering this lecture at a judge's conference, and one of the old-timers shouted out something like, 'Aaw, get off your soapbox, you got a cute tush,' or something like that. I remember turning to one of my colleagues and saying, 'You know, sometimes you just have to accept the fact that that generation has to die off.' They're so short-sighted and so committed to something that is innately wrong, it cannot be fixed.

"I was just on the treadmill this morning and watching Archie Bunker. I still laugh at him. Do you think you can change Archie Bunker? You cannot. You can't change that. But I think the majority of people in America are beginning to understand that as long as you are a responsible human being, pay taxes, don't drive 120 mph in a 30 mph zone, what you do in your life is nobody else's business."

Sheindlin feels the solution for helping troubled youth of any kind always lies in one thing. They must be treated in a fashion that allows them to build self-esteem.

"Self-esteem gets you through everything. I think every child should have at least one parent - I had two - who makes them feel unique and special. That gives every kid a wonderful sense of self that lasts a lifetime. I got that from my father. And if you have that, anything else that comes your way in life, you're going to be able to negotiate. I take issue with the idea that failure and adversity build character. This is not true in young children. The best thing we can do for a child is find something they're naturally adept at, and let them excel in that that area in grade school or high school. Figure out what it is, then figure out how to make a living at it."

Sheindlin evidently learned this lesson better than most. She recently renewed her contract with CBS Television for an additional season of Judge Judy. Viewers can now expect to see Sheindlin calling the shots from the bench at least until the summer of 2013.