Engorged Ass Engine :: Ascension Beach Party

Let's make it perfectly clear: this was one happy crowd. A crazy mad happy crowd. An engorged swimsuit happy crowd. Or as Mae West would say, "Is that a flashlight in your swimming trunks-or are you just happy to see me?" We're talking a whole gaggle of happy sexy boys with flashlights poking out of their bikinis. "I can't help it," said one giddy boy with a super-sized flashlight.

The boyz couldn't help it-and who would blame them? Not a cloud in the blue sky-nothing but that Fire Island Pines blue-and white banners waving and freshly-painted white cabanas and a custom built white dance floor laid out on the recently re-sanded beach of Fire Island Pines. You passed beneath an immense white pyramid, walking onto a freshly-sodded green lawn (on the beach!) running alongside two wading pools-and there, in the distance, was DJ Tony Moran, already in a perfect summer groove, playing "Everybody's Free"-and so was the water. Hello! That's the kind of party it was-servin' it up with Fire Island Pines hospitality and style.

Someone recently shared with us that the Pines has a different vibe this season: thanks to last autumn's economic crash, all those hot young financiers who used to work 80-hour weeks are now out on the Island-partying and playing all summer long. And even with near record-breaking heat-we're talking ninety on the dance floor!-those former worker bees were working it out with nearly 4,000 other barely-clad beauties.

A magical mix of summer grooves

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Now in its fourth year, Ascension (or ASS-ENGINE, as one local put it) Weekend is a three-day, twelve-event fund-raising weekend whose proceeds benefit both The Fund in the Sun Foundation (which, in 2008, donated more than $250,000 to LGBT causes) as well as the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. And combining the marketing muscle of Adam Weaver with the Task Force's Special Events team made for a slick and smoothly professional party where no detail was overlooked.

As for Tony, he created a magical mix of summer grooves from seasons past remixed with haunting bits and pieces from this year's tracks-so that a song like "Souvenirs," for example, with its lyric "Let's find a place...Let's keep on moving..." became a paean to gay history. There was also Madge's latest "Celebration," with is retro-"Holiday" kind of groove, as well as her "Ray of Life," with its lyric "And I feel, like I just got home..."- which was, of course, the point: here we are on the beach, all of us as one family, together at home-on Fire Island Pines, that fabled gay beach with its own chapter in LGBT history.

Or as one song put it, "just open yourselves"-because what's not to love about such a splendid afternoon? Manny Lehman was there (showing photos of his son...Jinx!), and Warren Gluck, and Brett Henrichsen, and Patti Razetto, and Hilton Wolman, and Steve Weinstein, and Joe Caro, and Corey Hill and his engorged bf, and Alan and Joey, and Michael Bath and Dave Cook, and Russell Roybal, and Chris and Eddie and JoJo, and Amanda and Jose, and Michael Circuit Dancer and Olivier, and Andrew, and Alex B. and James, and Jaker-and a score of other hotties in the signature blue swim trunks of Ascension, working it out behind the bars and on the cabana railings and giving new meaning to the phrase booty bump.

Miss Kelly Rowland-she worked the boyz

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And then we were all waiting for Kelly... Kelly Who? as one Girlina poster put it-but everyone knew who. And while we waited, the stage cleared, Tony kept us keeping on with his remix of Frankie Knuckles' "The Whistle Song" from yesteryear, mashed up with "I Got Something Here"-all with a kind of sultry, summer groove. Genius! There was also "Viva la Vida," perhaps the most romantic of all beach songs from the past year-as well as Tony's "Alegria Bolero" with its insinuating beats that make it near impossible not to move. And of course, that OTHER song of the summer, Alan T's "Whateva Whateva"-which is near impossible not to sing along with-no matter how mindless...

Then, there she was-and she worked the boyz, that Miss Kelly Rowland. She had them hanging from the cabana railings and cheering and yelling, their hands and fans in the air-and when David Guetta's remix of her summer anthem started, the crowd went ballistic-as they all sang along. Repeat: they ALL sang along. Beautiful to witness-when love takes over.

And as the sun began its westward descent, and the boyz clung together in happy harmony, Ascension reminded anew why Fire Island Pines has for so long maintained a hold on the gay imagination. With its remarkable four-year ascent, the Ascension Beach Party has solidified its place on the circuit calendar.